"When people tell me that I'm brave for doing a homebirth, I know that they mean well, which is why I am not confrontational with them. But honestly, a girl can only take so much. While someone may mean it as a compliment, it can easily be taken as an insult, because more often than not, telling someone that they are brave usually can only be interpreted as:Wow, you are so brave... I could never do something like that.
To which I want to say:
"Oh really? Why is that?"Well, because it hurts more and it's not as safe, right?
Actually, no.... it is more often than not quite the opposite.
I am not birthing at home because I want to show everyone just how tough I am, and I am not trying to make any kind of point.
What's even more irritating is when someone tells me:
"Well, I just want to have my baby in the hospital just in case something happens and there's an emergency."
Here's how I see the conversation playing out in my head (which is far from what really happens):
Me: "Oh, you know, with all this planning that I did for my home birth, I guess I completely forgot about the fact that something might happen. It didn't even occur to me, I guess I will do a hospital birth then. Thanks for enlightening me."
Me: "So either you think that I don't love my baby as much and I am willing to put him at risk by having a home birth, or you think that I'm a complete idiot by not taking advantage of all of the medical advances of the time, ensuring a safer birth, right?"
Me: "Oh, is this from all the research that you have done on the pros and cons to hospital and home births? Or is this just what you think is better because everyone does it? Just like how everyone chooses to enjoy the occasional fast food lunch... because it's not bad for them either, right?"
Here's the reality:
To birth at home requires planning. Lots and lots of planning. It takes initiative. It takes courage to go against the social norm for reasons that you know are best for you. It takes making your own decisions, and not letting others make it for you. It takes prayer. It takes telling people what you want and not being told. It takes doing lots of your own research, from weighing the pros and cons to hospital birth, to finding the right caregiver, to choosing who you want to attend the birth, to what kind of home birth you want (because there are many), and much more.
I am not blogging to tell you all the reasons why I chose a home birth over a hospital birth, because I would end up writing a book, and you need to do your own research (but if you want I can provide some insight, just let me know). I am blogging to tell you that I made this choice based on completely educated and meditated decisions. To completely disregard someone's informed decision just because you think it's not the best option, even though you've done no research of your own, is insulting at best.
Just so everyone knows, I did not always want a home birth. I grew up always wanting a hospital birth with an epidural and everything. Only recently, when Chris and I began thinking about having children, did I begin doing my own research and finding that the best birth option for me was not in the hospital.
With that being said, I believe hospitals are absolutely wonderful when they are necessary. We are blessed to live in a time where we have such medical advances. The problem is relying too heavily on these medical advances that we completely lose faith in our own bodies to do what they were divinely designed to do.
If you want a hospital birth, or have had a hospital birth, great. I am not going to tell you that you are brave, or that you are stupid, because I trust that you made your own educated and informed decisions as to what was best for you and your baby. All I ask is that you in return respect the educated and informed decision that others make to have a home birth.
For everyone who is curious, women who chose home births love to talk about why they chose it. If you want to know why I chose a home birth, ask! Just don't tell me that I'm brave :)"
Taken from this blog: http://thebatemanbabyblog.